Imagine…

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In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You    start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people’s home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!
 
-Woody Allen
 

Imagine saving the best for the last. Imagine oblivion. Imagine bliss.

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Death by PJs

Nut jobs for friends who make 4 am gibbering, spiffy trash talking and facebook whoring feel generously sane, family members you want to disown and run away from and kids, well, I’d be damned to think that I’m the grown up with them smart imps around. But the *face palm* incidents, when you think back and live it all, is nothing less than gut-busting. Living yesterday, once more.

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After an exceptionally random discussion about cows, D and me at 2 am were arguing about the sounds of the cow, excerpts are as follows (found its way immediately into my tweets):

D: Yea, they ‘moo’ babe.

Me: It actually, technically sounds more like ‘mmmaaaaaaoooo’ (I just had to do that and wake up the poor souls sleeping in the next room peacefully counting sheep in their dreams)

D: Ok, I wana say something.

Me: Yea?

D: The cow says, ‘I like to moo it, moo it!’

Me: I some how successfully missed having a heart stroke after listening to this.

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Scene: A bunch of my girls and me, chilling at the park. A girl with massive football boobs walks past us. 

V: What the?!

Me: Ok, now that’s giving me a complex.

H: I wonder if she custom makes her bra with the company.

V: Yea, she probably uses Amman TRY tmt bars to make her under-wire ones.

Well, that SO did it for the day!

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Rapid fire mokkai sessions with uncle after a particularly filling meal. I remember my sister rubbing my tummy and saying ‘you are not laughing, Buddha.’

Uncle: What is the ‘mint without the hole’?

Ans: A-polo

Uncle: What is the fastest mail?

Ans: Fe-mail

Uncle: What do you call a phone that does not run properly?

Ans: Voda’dha‘phone

Me: Feigns tummy ache and dashes to the loo vowing never to step out from it…in another gazillion years.

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Some time ago, a small kid, a cute kid, comes over and asks for the time,

AwwCuteKid: Akka, what’s the time?

Me: I’m not wearing a watch, sorry.

AwwCuteKid: Then it’s time for you to buy a new watch.

Me: Why, oh GOD WHY?!  

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Random conversation with the neighbour’s kid. These kids, ITellYou!

SmartyPantKid: You have a colour TV akka?

Me: Yes, why?

SmartyPantKid: What colour is it?

Me: And that’s how I died. Finally. 

Wedded bliss- Ash & Court

Wedding

As I said earlier the past four months have been delightfully entertaining and measurelessly cherishing. And among those consummate events I got to experience my family’s first wedding ceremony. It was nothing short of splendid/terrific. It was every groom and bride’s dream come true. Ashwin Kumar, my brother and Courtney Bartlett, my sister-in-law are the ones you can see in the above picture with the dads and moms-in-law. A huge deal to every person in the family it was celebrated for four days with ‘Elaborate Enlarged’ pre-wedding ceremonies filled with plates and plates of stuff one could get if he swindled each and every store that fills Northridge mall, sandalwood paste applied I must say in a more than generous way to immobile every muscle in the groom’s face, food that can last a Somalian kid a lifetime and the best of all, relatives who find it as easy as ABC to succeed in these within sufficient time.

Post pre-wedding authentic traditions it was the real thing that had everyone engulfed in its resplendence. Narrowing em down… the place, the altar, the lotuses, the decorations, the sweat, the most number of gorgeous outfits changed, the colours, the splash, the intent looks on the bride’s family side, the holy flames, near, dear, far, long lost loved ones, the toe-rings on the ammi ceremony, the photo-taking sessions, the 32 food items, the stuck smile, the long-route-hand-extending kungumam applying session, the ‘CONGRATS!’ sounds, the paavadai clad little girls, the ‘Moi’ writing, the wedding-air and the most important of all- the entire family present. Every single person and every single thing were up to their best.

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Congratulations everywhere! That is one happiness filled picture!

A tamizh wedding is trully worth everything spent on it. And this wedding will be mind-etched in me for time to take.

Welcome home Courtney! 🙂

And happily ever after is how they’re going to begin their story…

KICK START

Splash Portal,my first blog,my first post and my first step into my new ‘published’ world.This is now going to be my road map, journal, fun book,scandal sheet, scrap book, tabloid, chronicle and indispensable mind memorial.

So heres to a new beginning and to all who belong to the virtual community,cheers!!!